Morgan Spurlock Eat Your Heart Out.

Let me start from the beginning... About two months ago I noticed that the Melbourne International Film Festival was just around the corner again. This usually means that I wait for the program to come out and carefully plan to see a few of the most interesting films. However, this year I figured it was time to man-up and really see a serious amount of movies.

So I rounded up a couple of friends that are as stupid as me and we all purchased $400 film festival passports, and each booked 2 weeks off work. Now months later what was a stupid idea has become a reality, and we now have booked 47 movies to watch in 2 weeks...

If there is one thing I have learned from documentary film in the past, when doing something possibly idiotic always take your camera crew to a doctors consultation beforehand. So, today I went and visited my doctor and he informed me of the risks associated with doing something like this:


Doctors Concerns:

Vitamin D Deficiency: Already being the whitest man on the planet, there is a real possibility that I might turn into some type of creature of the night. Here’s hoping I at least turn into a swarvellous dead character like Bill Compton, and not some other kind of other dead freak.

Square Eyes: We all know that watching large amounts of television or movies can result in a person getting square eyes (artist’s rendition). As a child, my mother pointed this out to me at least 5 times per day so it must be true...

Busted ass: Sitting in 3rd world Art House cinema seats for 10 hours a day can take it’s toll your butt. To avoid any kinds of bed sores, or other skin related issues, I will be liberally applying topical cream on a bi-hourly basis. As you will know, when bored, you will be far more aware of just how much your ass hurts from sitting down over long periods. As a result, I have decided that ass soreness will be one of the metrics that I use to rate films on this blog.


Film Ratings:

As we all know most Film Critics are lazy hacks that just sit around and smoke weed all day. So they can only manage to convey their like or dislike of a movie by using a simple out-of-five star rating... Well, picture for me now, David and Margret having sex... *cough* Oh wow, a little bit of spew just came up *cough* and then Margret giving birth to a Super Reviewing baby (me), far superior in all ways to any reviewer that ever existed. I give you; Davegret the super reviewing baby....

Films will be reviewed based on the following:

Mood Before movie: This metric will help you to understand exactly how I was feeling before going into a movie, as this may well affect my end rating of the movie (ie. to counteract my festival fatigue).

Mood After movie: This metric will allow the reader to understand my change in mood after seeing the movie.

Ass-o-meter: The one metric that cannot be argued with.

Rating: A simple star rating out of five, to keep the hack critics happy.

Comments: Anything that I might have found interesting about the film.